i realized i did not have a clear definition for negative speech. but God, in His grace, has since helped me to identify two levels of negativity that have illumined my way forward.

level 1: basic negativity

this is what we initially think of as negative speech (“i hate when it rains”; “his shirt is so weird”; “the pastor really missed it today in church”; and so forth). fighting this sort of negativity is simple. keep your mouth shut. no one needs to know your opinion on the rain, that man’s shirt, or the pastor’s sermon. you are offering completely unnecessary information. even better–find something positive to say. if you must comment, then say something about how the rain will help the farmers or bring cooler weather. tell me that you appreciate the diversity God’s created within us. remind me of the grace with which the pastor serves God and his people.

level 2: hard times negativity

this is where my struggle arose. i didn’t understand that most of us are negative about our difficult situations because we are controlled by our emotional responses (and not in control of them). for example, if someone asks about my day, and it’s been a rough one, i can say “my day sucked!” or i can say, “i’ve had a hard day.” do you see the difference?

the first response is emotionally-driven and is barfing blame on others or on the situation. the second response does not deny the reality of a hard day, but is mature enough to omit the emotional mess (submit it to the Spirit) and own the responsibility of the personal pronoun. sometimes our negativity is fostered by a victim mentality. negativity is a “victim’s” mother tongue. when we believe ourselves captive to our situations, we do not acknowledge that we always choose our response and that we can blame no one but ourselves, no matter how horrible our situation. in the same way, when we recognize the power God has given us to choose His attitudes, to be content in all things, we find the freedom of positive words.

for most of us, this will mean radical change. it will not be easy. we are so used to cozying up with negative and critical words. we find a certain comfort in it. but negativity will compromise the Lord’s destiny for your life. so ask God for creative ideas for how to express truthfully, yet positively, the difficult elements of your life. (This will also come in very handy during conflict and confrontation.)

He is the most creative person in the universe, and He made you in His image. you have within you the seeds of creativity, so use them to find your positive words. no longer do you need to deflect to boring and unimaginative negative words. no, you are free and powerful; you have the mind of Christ.

initially this may not seem so hard to you. but try it. see how long you can go without saying something negative or critical. five minutes? ten minutes? if you’re really good, maybe 15? (or if you’re sleeping or completely alone…) hopefully the realization of your propensity toward negativity is sobering. as christians we like to think we’re pretty good people, but God doesn’t say much good about negative and critical people.

Ephesians 4:29 says, “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear” (NASB).

If our positive words literally impart grace to people, as this verse indicates, then we can assume that our negative words hinder or even remove grace from the hearers. grace is God’s empowerment to live in victory; it’s what enables us to live in the Spirit and to embrace God’s ways and thoughts. hindering grace in our own lives or someone else’s is no joking matter.

No wonder God refers to negative words throughout the Bible as “curses.” our words really do impart life or death to the people and situations we encounter (see Prov. 18:21).

so here’s my challenge. commit yourself to a life-long negativity fast. sure, you’ll mess up plenty of times, but at least you’ll be actively fighting the current of our culture and human nature. at least you’ll have a high bar to reach for rather than simply living at status quo. challenge yourself to speak words that impart grace. imagine the difference it would make in your relationships if you always spoke words designed to build up and encourage (even in confrontation).

the possibility truly is heaven on earth! when you live with heaven’s attitudes (blessing rather than cursing, grace rather than condemnation), live as Bill Johnson says “from heaven toward earth,” you will bring the realities of heaven into your earthly relationships and circumstances.

this really could be life-changing.

¹³Shall I eat the flesh of bulls or drink the blood of male goats? ¹⁴Offer to God a sacrifice of thanksgiving and pay your vows to the Most High; ¹⁵Call upon Me in the day of trouble; I shall rescue you, and you will honor Me…. ²²Now consider this, you who forget God, or I will tear you in pieces, and there will be none to deliver. ²³He who offers a sacrifice of thanksgiving honors Me; and to him who orders his way aright I shall show the salvation of God.

As I have considered the state of our nation lately, I have wondered about the connection between our lack of gratitude and our current hardship. Though I was not alive in the 1960s and 70s, I know that during those decades a significant change encountered our nation, not only in regard to “moral” issues, but also in regard to thankfulness. Rebellion became stylish, and with it cynicism and a critical spirit. We forgot how blessed we are to live in this nation, and we choose to engage a lifestyle of criticism and negativity rather than thanksgiving. We spoke curses rather than blessings.

Certainly I am not saying that everything our leaders do is excellent or even right. But I am saying that we have a lot to be thankful for. I am so glad to be an American, so thankful for the goodness that I have experienced in this nation. Though I have not traveled extensively, I did spend several months overseas… enough to experience a nation run on bribes. When stopped for speeding, one of our national hosts (a Christian) paid the police officer to forgo the ticket. On another trip, I witnessed a bus full of men pool resources to bribe the police so that the bus driver (who happened to be snorting cocaine while driving) could finish chartering us to our destination. I also saw the disrespect that people had for their nation, as evidenced by something as simple as the complete absence of trash cans. Litter is everywhere, including human feces. When I arrived home, I spent the entire several hour drive home from the airport just looking in amazement at the strips of spotless grass in the middle of the highway.

We have a great deal to be thankful for. I have never experienced war; I have never lived in daily fear for my life. I have always had more than enough food to eat and a wide variety of food. I believe I can generally trust those in authority to dispense justice to the best of their ability. and so forth. The list of good things is very long, even in a recession.

Join me in thanking God for the incredible blessings He has given us and in repenting for our national ingratitude. May He have mercy on us, send revival, and redeem us from the fruit of our attitudes.

-amy

i remembered this rice race in the context of prayer, realizing how quickly our intimacy can grow cold. i once thought that if i love God now i will always love Him. i felt secure in my ability to maintain our relationship. and i felt comfortable relying on past experiences. i was OK with living by principle rather than presence–living based on what i thought i knew about God rather than on my daily interaction with Him in prayer and Bible reading. sure, i prayed and read my Bible (most of the time), but i didn’t always meet with God in the process. and it didn’t bother me that much. i wanted more, but i accepted less.

marriage has taught me a great deal about relating to God. i cannot go a whole day without connecting with Mark. he is important to me. i want to know what’s going on with him, not just in the details of life, but in his heart. what would happen if i ignored him for a day every so often? what if i stopped asking about his inner life and only talked about me? what if i related to him based upon assumptions instead of our daily interraction? any couple will tell you how easily two people can drift apart without even realizing it. relationships are incredible work, no matter how much we think we love a person.

lately this truth has been burning in me. i have become aware of the daily fight to maintain intimacy with God, to meet with Him (even when He forgoes the fireworks) and allow Him to change me. if i do not encounter Him every day, our relationship suffers. i find myself stressed, joyless, confused, and i wonder where God is in my mess. He of course is patiently inviting me to live in Him, to get today’s hot rice. and when i do i find myself living out of my intimacy with Him, not out of my circumstances. i find myself patiently loving my children and managing my life because i am above the stressors. as Bill Johnson says, i am seated with Christ in heavenly places, and i am living from heaven toward earth.

-amy